God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I can not change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world,
Trusting that He will make all things right,
If I surrender to his will,
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
And supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
This prayer has been my constant companion for a year, thanks to a wonderful friend. I consider it a gift he gave me and I am so happy he did. This past Easter was one of my favorites. Ever. I got to spend it with my girls and going to church to worship was one of the best moments for me. I have come so far and I finally FINALLY feel connected to the big guy above. I feel as if He is finally listening and if I stay still long enough to reflect, I can feel Him and I do hear Him.
I hope everyone had a blessed Easter and or me, life is finally back on track.
Luvs.
Monday, April 1, 2013
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Happy Days
It has come to my attention that my blogging life is sorely lacking....again. Oh all right its just plain taken a back seat to all the madness that has become my life of late. Hey, no one ever said being a single mom to two beautiful girls was going to be easy. I have a job. Many jobs! Being a mommy is the most important one of course...endless hours of homework, play dates, sports, sleepovers, shopping trips and family time. Then there is a little matter of my full time design job, freelance work, volunteer and mentoring inner city kids and college students, training for triathlons and marathons and sometimes being a maid/cook/house keeper!
Whew! Even I'm tired after writing that and it is only the tip of the iceberg. But guess what? It is just plain awesome. I am at a point in my life where everything feels right. All is well, I am extremely happy, my kids are happy, my job is going well (kudo's to my award winning year so far:) and I have become involved in so many opportunities that would not have been possible had I still been married. Well, lets rephrase that...yes possible, but not something I would have been "allowed" to explore or volunteer for.
Needing to fill my time in when I was missing my kids, I decided to get off my ass and do something about it. Why not fill in the time with my second passion behind design and that is working with kids, big and small. So I found some great non profit organizations where I feel as if I really am making a difference in a childs life. Through guidance, patience, and my creative talents I have been able to foster the creativity and imaginations of inner city kids. And it's been amazing so far!
But back to that happiness...I never would have been able to find it had it not been for some amazing friends, a whole lot of self reflecting and forgiving. Yes, I had to forgive and forget and do it quickly. Otherwise I'd still be stuck and that is not a cool place to be.
The only thing that's missing is sharing my happiness with someone else. I'm totally ok with being on my own, after all it's been less than a year since the divorce was final. But let me tell you, dating kinda sucks. I just want to fast forward through all the stuff in the beginning and be totally comfortable with someone. I don't know what the rules are, I can't stand being a serial dater and having all these dates lined up (who has time for that???). I just want a nice boy that enjoys who I am and who will be my partner in life and not try to dominate me again. And I'm really freaking scared that will happen yet again.
As for my broken life, dreams and heart I have found that time is a great healer. Its also allowed me to become the person I was meant to be....and reclaim who I used to be. I am such a better version of the person I was over the last 15 years because lets face it....little by little I lost that girl. She became lost in the demands and pressure of being the perfect wife, mother, daughter, daughter-in-law and friend. Her voice, ideas, opinions and worth became lost on her quest to pleasing so many other people and not wanting to step on toes or anger anyone. She stopped compromising or fighting back and just kinda gave in.
That was SO not me and I see that now. I've busted out of my shell, have become super assertive and basically go after what I want and tell it like it is. I have become very opinionated again, I argue and get MY point of view across and let my voice be heard. My ex husband loves to tell me I've become a major bitch....well no sorry hun but I've become a strong confident woman who will not listen to or put up with your bullshit and bullying ways. I say that with a large smile on my face because it is So. TRUE.
Well, I always have a lot to say and this is just the tip of the iceberg! Stay tuned for my love life gone wild, I'm sure I will have some totally awesome stories to share in the coming months and years. I already have some totally great and not so great horror dating stories....so stay tuned my friends. And since it's already almost midnight, her is a shout out to my BEST FRIEND in the whole wide world, miss Lindsey. Your my rock babe...and STILL older than me:)
Whew! Even I'm tired after writing that and it is only the tip of the iceberg. But guess what? It is just plain awesome. I am at a point in my life where everything feels right. All is well, I am extremely happy, my kids are happy, my job is going well (kudo's to my award winning year so far:) and I have become involved in so many opportunities that would not have been possible had I still been married. Well, lets rephrase that...yes possible, but not something I would have been "allowed" to explore or volunteer for.
Needing to fill my time in when I was missing my kids, I decided to get off my ass and do something about it. Why not fill in the time with my second passion behind design and that is working with kids, big and small. So I found some great non profit organizations where I feel as if I really am making a difference in a childs life. Through guidance, patience, and my creative talents I have been able to foster the creativity and imaginations of inner city kids. And it's been amazing so far!
But back to that happiness...I never would have been able to find it had it not been for some amazing friends, a whole lot of self reflecting and forgiving. Yes, I had to forgive and forget and do it quickly. Otherwise I'd still be stuck and that is not a cool place to be.
The only thing that's missing is sharing my happiness with someone else. I'm totally ok with being on my own, after all it's been less than a year since the divorce was final. But let me tell you, dating kinda sucks. I just want to fast forward through all the stuff in the beginning and be totally comfortable with someone. I don't know what the rules are, I can't stand being a serial dater and having all these dates lined up (who has time for that???). I just want a nice boy that enjoys who I am and who will be my partner in life and not try to dominate me again. And I'm really freaking scared that will happen yet again.
As for my broken life, dreams and heart I have found that time is a great healer. Its also allowed me to become the person I was meant to be....and reclaim who I used to be. I am such a better version of the person I was over the last 15 years because lets face it....little by little I lost that girl. She became lost in the demands and pressure of being the perfect wife, mother, daughter, daughter-in-law and friend. Her voice, ideas, opinions and worth became lost on her quest to pleasing so many other people and not wanting to step on toes or anger anyone. She stopped compromising or fighting back and just kinda gave in.
That was SO not me and I see that now. I've busted out of my shell, have become super assertive and basically go after what I want and tell it like it is. I have become very opinionated again, I argue and get MY point of view across and let my voice be heard. My ex husband loves to tell me I've become a major bitch....well no sorry hun but I've become a strong confident woman who will not listen to or put up with your bullshit and bullying ways. I say that with a large smile on my face because it is So. TRUE.
Well, I always have a lot to say and this is just the tip of the iceberg! Stay tuned for my love life gone wild, I'm sure I will have some totally awesome stories to share in the coming months and years. I already have some totally great and not so great horror dating stories....so stay tuned my friends. And since it's already almost midnight, her is a shout out to my BEST FRIEND in the whole wide world, miss Lindsey. Your my rock babe...and STILL older than me:)
Monday, July 9, 2012
What's Up People???
I am normal. I am happy.
Hmmm...that's what I keep telling myself but boy is it true. I have come such a loooooong looooong way since October of last year, when the demise of my marriage was imminent.
The divorce was finalized a month ago and if ever there was a better word to describe me, it is STRONG. FIERCE. AMAZING.
Because I have moved forward with my life and it FEELS GREAT!!!
I ALSO RAN A 1/2 MARATHON!!!
That was 13.1 miles of sweat and tears. I set a goal in January to keep my mind off the shitty things going on in my life and it sure helped me focus. I did it for the girls. I did it for myself. It was such a relief to meet those goals, they certainly kept me going.
Life is good people and I am finally back!!!
Hmmm...that's what I keep telling myself but boy is it true. I have come such a loooooong looooong way since October of last year, when the demise of my marriage was imminent.
The divorce was finalized a month ago and if ever there was a better word to describe me, it is STRONG. FIERCE. AMAZING.
Because I have moved forward with my life and it FEELS GREAT!!!
I ALSO RAN A 1/2 MARATHON!!!
That was 13.1 miles of sweat and tears. I set a goal in January to keep my mind off the shitty things going on in my life and it sure helped me focus. I did it for the girls. I did it for myself. It was such a relief to meet those goals, they certainly kept me going.
My girlfriend and I finished a half marathon!
My darling daughters completed a kids triathlon - SO PROUD!
Life is good people and I am finally back!!!
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
And So It Begins
The journey has been long and arduous.
Sad. Painful. Hurt. Anger. Devastation. Fearful. Stressed. Pissed Off. Depressed. Tearful. Strong. Hopeful. Vengeful.
You name it, I've had all of these emotions ranging through my small person in the last six months. It's been hard dealing with one person's decisions and not having any control over it.
All I know is I am strong. A wonderful mother and friend. And a survivor.
The papers were filed on Friday by my soon to be ex-spouse. It's hard to put into words what I was feeling. I was glad to get the show on the road, but sad to know a ten year marriage is coming to an end.
Well then.
More to come on this particular subject!
Sad. Painful. Hurt. Anger. Devastation. Fearful. Stressed. Pissed Off. Depressed. Tearful. Strong. Hopeful. Vengeful.
You name it, I've had all of these emotions ranging through my small person in the last six months. It's been hard dealing with one person's decisions and not having any control over it.
All I know is I am strong. A wonderful mother and friend. And a survivor.
The papers were filed on Friday by my soon to be ex-spouse. It's hard to put into words what I was feeling. I was glad to get the show on the road, but sad to know a ten year marriage is coming to an end.
Well then.
More to come on this particular subject!
Sunday, April 8, 2012
A Lovely Day
Happy Easter people!!! It was a beautiful sunny day today and I'm grateful for many things. This was the first holiday I was not surrounded by my family and children, as they were with their father.
It was also the first Easter I did not attend church and I have some very mixed feelings about that. I just didn't have the strength to go by myself. I know I should feel loved and safe and full of faith in my congregation, but the thought of going alone and opening the floodgates just didn't appeal. I cry every time I go to church because I feel the pain and grief the most when I reflect in the sanctuary. And for selfish reasons, I wanted to be happy today and not flooded with grief or tears.
I am making such good progress lately and I'm healing. I have moved on and started to forgive myself for feeling so miserable and depressed. It was part of the grieving process and I'm feeling stronger and healthier every day. I also talked to a new friend last night who has gone through the exact same thing as me. He has such good advice and we were able to share our stories with a bit of uh our and laughter. I finally felt normal and really thought to myself...I can do this, I am not alone with my hurt, anger, grief, and feelings. I am ready to moveon I the next chapter of my life.
After our conversation, I think I was glowing. Oh yes indeed. So because of that, I felt great today and was able to spend the holiday by myself. He left me with a little something and it goes like this....
God grant me the serenity To accept the things I can not change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.
Love you all.
It was also the first Easter I did not attend church and I have some very mixed feelings about that. I just didn't have the strength to go by myself. I know I should feel loved and safe and full of faith in my congregation, but the thought of going alone and opening the floodgates just didn't appeal. I cry every time I go to church because I feel the pain and grief the most when I reflect in the sanctuary. And for selfish reasons, I wanted to be happy today and not flooded with grief or tears.
I am making such good progress lately and I'm healing. I have moved on and started to forgive myself for feeling so miserable and depressed. It was part of the grieving process and I'm feeling stronger and healthier every day. I also talked to a new friend last night who has gone through the exact same thing as me. He has such good advice and we were able to share our stories with a bit of uh our and laughter. I finally felt normal and really thought to myself...I can do this, I am not alone with my hurt, anger, grief, and feelings. I am ready to moveon I the next chapter of my life.
After our conversation, I think I was glowing. Oh yes indeed. So because of that, I felt great today and was able to spend the holiday by myself. He left me with a little something and it goes like this....
God grant me the serenity To accept the things I can not change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.
Love you all.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Hunger Games!!!
Are you excited???? Are ya? Are ya? Well I am because the show opens at midnight tonight!!!! I'm not going to it at midnight(please people, I value my sleep) but I am going tomorrow night and I'm really excited!!!
Have you read the book? It took me exactly two whole days to read it from beginning to end. Then I ran out and bought the next two. Because I was hooked... No wait make that obsessed!
OMG! Girls night out and we are all going to rock the side braid and and hunger games tshirts. Woot!!!
I will report in tmorrow....good night ya'll.
Have you read the book? It took me exactly two whole days to read it from beginning to end. Then I ran out and bought the next two. Because I was hooked... No wait make that obsessed!
OMG! Girls night out and we are all going to rock the side braid and and hunger games tshirts. Woot!!!
I will report in tmorrow....good night ya'll.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Spring is Here?
Well then.
Spring is surely here...actually it skipped over spring and went straight to summer here in Minnesota. It's a whopping 80 degrees on St. Pattys Day (two days ago) and in the high 70's just days following.
What the heck??? This is almost unheard of! We usually don't usher in spring until late April, early May. This is AMAZING!!! It usually even snows a few days on April but all of the weather guys are saying it just won't happen because it's so warm.
Well then.
Spring is surely here...actually it skipped over spring and went straight to summer here in Minnesota. It's a whopping 80 degrees on St. Pattys Day (two days ago) and in the high 70's just days following.
What the heck??? This is almost unheard of! We usually don't usher in spring until late April, early May. This is AMAZING!!! It usually even snows a few days on April but all of the weather guys are saying it just won't happen because it's so warm.
Well then.
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